The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
