He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
