"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
