Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
