Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
