well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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