can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
