Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
