Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
