Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
