Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
