okay pat passed out under dana's car
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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