Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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