we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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