Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
