dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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