You don't have asthma, your pregnant
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
