found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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