LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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