i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
