You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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