Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
