Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
