Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
