he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
