you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
