I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
