I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
