That reminds me...we need to get swords
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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