dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
