He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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