My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Still dying that you shit outside
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
