So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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