good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
