Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
