shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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