i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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