I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
