my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
