Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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