I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Randomize
