first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
