How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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