someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
