Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
