im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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