So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
