I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It's shark week go big or go home
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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