Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
