My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
