I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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