I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
