Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
