hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
