dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i've created a new STD.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
